Archive for September 20th, 2010
An Open Letter to Ijaz Butt
I must confess, wholeheartedly enough, that I am a big admirer of the way you’ve ran Pakistan cricket, quite professionally to the best of my knowledge. Equally, you have done an awful lot for Pakistan cricket, both within the country and the larger international stage. Your tenure as the Pakistan Cricket Board Chairman, a post you largely acquired by a typical sub-continental virtue of jugaad, is perhaps hailed as the Golden Age of Pakistan cricket, leaving behind mortals like Abdul Hafeez Kardar who did nothing. You have presided over a period in Pakistan cricket, in which I must confess, achievements galore – a terrorist attack on a visiting team, the small matter of your team actually winning something — some T20 competition in England, the World Cup being taken away from your country and some larger international conspiracy by Hindoos, Americans, Jews and heck the Goras to defraud Pakistan cricket. From being a former Test cricketer, a wicketkeeper, at the least one of Kamran Akmal’s earliest predecessors, you have now emerged as the face and tone of Pakistan cricket, which to me is quite an achievement, Sir.
But, amidst all this, you’ve equally come through as a nice old man, ageing nonetheless with disorders like denial, unfortunately, something I don’t blame you for, given that it is very much “in the air” you breathe in I would guess, Sialkot. But I equally thought, you were mature enough at 72 to know what immaturity actually means. I was gently mistaken, I must say. And again, not your fault, shall I add. Your statements in the past two days, have at the least done more for Pakistan cricket, than Imran Khan’s World Cup win, Pakistan’s first ever Test win under Kardar and of course Younis Khan’s WT20 win, for which you rightly claimed credit for. I shudder to imagine if they were products of a larger international conspiracy to help Pakistan cricket reach its zenith. I wonder if Wasim Akram and Waqar Younis were a part of a larger conspiracy to terrorize batsmen, or heck, Shoaib Akhtar’s genital warts or mildly suggested as “skin problems” was a conspiracy to deny him an active sex life. Of course, they were, for you believe everything is a conspiracy to “defraud Pakistan”. For the want of a harsher sentence, I hope your very existence isn’t an international conspiracy to defraud Pakistan cricket, but I shall humbly submit that you are a conspiracy to defraud Pakistan cricket. After all, life is a conspiracy, isn’t it?
Having established your credentials and existence as a conspiracy, let me come down to the trivial business of your latest statements. First and foremost, I thought you said something, and I heard something, didn’t I? Or are my ears conspiring to defraud Pakistan cricket? I hope not. Then, didn’t you just say that “the loud call from the bookies circle is that some England players were paid stacks of cash to throw away the game against Pakistan”? I thought you did, and rightly so. I thought you finally lost your virginity of non-association with bookies with that statement, didn’t you? And of course, what you did imply through that statement, which you woke up, smelt the coffee and claimed you didn’t, was that Umar Gul’s supposedly brilliant spell was for nothing? Or was that a con…youknowwhatImean? I hope you stand up, be a man and say you were possibly inebriated when you did say what you did say what you didn’t say you decide. Come on, Butt saab, you could do better. Of course, you will deny all of this, but isn’t that how it is scripted to be?
Oh Butt saab, how could you gather the balls, I mean balls, when you supposedly have none, to demand the removal of, Haroon Lorgat as ICC CEO, when you have shown immense faith in yourself, when time and again, there have been calls for your removal and don’t get me wrong here, by newspapers like The Nation of all things? You stoically state,”Why should I resign, these are merely allegations at me? Not a single one is proved against me?”, for the want of a better English, I gather. Sorry, even as a long-time admirer of yours, hypocrisy doesn’t sound too good on you, I humbly submit for you are the doyen of integrity, accountability and all things credible in Pakistan cricket, aren’t you? And that, you’ve now emerged as the self-appointed saviour of Pakistan cricket against the wishes of the evil forces, of course you know them, saab.
Lastly, I humbly hope that your Chief Patron or whatever that fancy title Mr. AA Zardari holds, gives you an extension once your tenure is up for renewal, and no, that I assume wouldn’t be a conspiracy to defraud Pakistan. Even if he doesn’t, I think you have left your mark and a legacy which many have failed during their haydays in the PCB Chairman’s post. I think Pakistan cricket needs you more than you need Pakistan cricket. And more than Pakistan cricket, it is people like us, dedicated admirers of your infectious personality who need you, given some of the reassurances you’ve given us in the past few months. I utterly hope, you are NOT one of those with fake degrees and that your blood relations with the little known defence minister of Pakistan are put to good use in October. Here’s wishing you a long life and more years of yeoman service to Pakistan cricket.
Thanking you,
Yours Conspiratorially,
Venkat Ananth
Mumbai, India
Let me state the obvious here. While reading this post, please add “NOT”, I repeat, “NOT” at the end of every paragraph I have written. That should help you read better.
