The curious case of John Howard

Let me get straight to the point. Does he divide world cricket? Yes and no. I’ll get to the rationale in a bit, with a few explanations and interpretations of the whole John Howard aka the “little desiccated coconut ” (Paul Keating referring to Howard in 2007) saga. Firstly, Australia must stand up and admit to nominating someone whose name draws reactions in Australia not too different from what Diego Maradona’s does in England. Again, there are reasons, pretty valid and logical that most right-minded (not right-wing) Australians hate John Howard. So, the first blunder. Secondly, was John Howard’s candidature worth fighting tooth and nail for? I don’t think so. Australia, who previously got Malcolm Gray to head the ICC should have handed over the candidature to Sir John Anderson, a leading businessman in New Zealand and most importantly, someone with previous cricket administrating experience. That said, New Zealand was party to an agreement, and pretty much went with what Australia had in mind. 

What if…

…the ICC Headquarters would be moved from Dubai to Mumbai. I shudder to think about it, but still will give it a thought. So here are the scenarios, some possible, some probable and some impossible. You figure out…

1. RIP Test Cricket. IPL will be passed off as international cricket.

2. The ICC HQ would serve three purposes – Firstly, a plush corporate-ishtyle office to run the NCP, then Krishi Bhavan (Agriculture Ministry) and perhaps coincidentally, also host the ICC.

3. Raj Thackeray will demand more Marathi employees in the ICC HQ. So, expect some action on that front. Also, demand that the name of the ICC must be prominently displayed in Marathi font. Else…”daha divsacha countdown laavnaar…”

4. The ICC will create a new post – “Commissioner” and no prizes for guessing who’ll occupy that seat.

5. Ajit Pawar, already disillusioned with Maharashtra politics could be the next CEO of the ICC, following the excellent footsteps of Malcolm Speed and Haroon Lorgat.

6. Another possible contender for that post, RR Patil, Maharashtra’s ekhaada haadsa minister. And of course, that fight will define the ICC Headquarters.

7. Pakistan will be de-rostered as a Test playing nation. Not that they play enough Tests anyway, but Mumbai after-all.

8. Bal Thackerey will become the chief patron of the ICC or something whacky-sounding title along those lines. He still continues to believe Mumbai runs and stops with his orders. And if you read closely, I’ve used two different spellers for the nephew and uncle. I’ll stick to that, yes.

9. ICC will *possibly* renamed as BCCI. Indian Cricket Council or whatever you want to name it as.

10. All of these things won’t come true. Sharad Pawar can concentrate on Agriculture Cricket. Because London looks like the possible destination for the ICC HQ. 😀

Decoding the Kotla farce

Was it irony or what ? MS Dhoni receiving the ICC Test Championship Mace from Haroon Lorgat on a day when the BCCI and DDCA combined to produce one of the most farcical days of 2009 (and I am strictly talking cricket here). Yes, you have a wicket where some balls take off from a length, others hit you on the shin, and most importantly, as someone told me yesterday, “Sri Lanka were 83/5. The game should have continued.” What he didn’t tell me was, had the game continued and India’s players gotten injured, quite seriously – he’d not be saying the very things he said. So yeah. Let us for a moment condemn this farce, introspect and come up with suggestions, which you and I know the BCCI will never take seriously, but yet, for the love of the exercise, why not.

A country that keeps harping about being World no.1  will never ensure such days, never. Why is that ? Because whenever Australia have been at the top, their curators, pitchwallas and every concerned are so thorough bred and well prepared that they needn’t even see such days. And why is that again ? Because, in Australia an international wicket is prepared 2 years in advance, tested in the extremely competitive Grade cricket there, tried in the Shield matches (Domestic Cricket) before they add the final touches to qualify it as “OK” for international matches. And plus, they have this super Drop-In pitches facility, which means a pitch from the Junction Oval, St. Kilda may just be airlifted and dropped into the MCG for let’s say a Boxing Day Test. Ditto in South Africa and England’s case. But in this great country where we’re happy massaging ourselves by chestbeating and cheerleading our cricket team and not caring about our cricket, our groundsmen make pitches in the nth hour, and as we heard and read about it yesterday, failed to test it, trial it by playing domestic matches for starters, I am sure even this farce won’t ring in the changes.